The benefits of scheduling sex with your partner

Media and movies would have you think that sex is always a passionate, impulsive act. While having spontaneous sex is awesome and you should take advantage of it as often as possible, it’s unfortunately not realistic for most couples. The daily stressors of life can wreak havoc on sleep and busy schedules can make sex feel like it’s not a priority. For this reason, it is so important to plan sex for you and your partner. Planning sex can feel unromantic at first and some people may feel embarrassed by having to do so; after all, if my partner and I love each other shouldn’t sex just come up naturally?

These insecurities are totally normal but planning sex is completely healthy and encouraged by many sex and relationship experts. Scheduling intentional time to have sex comes with a multitude of benefits:

Scheduling sex improves the likelihood of impromptu fun over time

Routine is important in maintaining balance in our lives as it increases the likelihood of completing tasks by building them into a habit. The same goes for sex; if you haven’t been having it regularly, it can feel daunting to get the ball rolling again. Making an effort to keep sex as part of your weekly routine helps build and maintain momentum.

Builds anticipation

Knowing that you’re coming home to a lovemaking session can boost desire. Making it an intentional date also means you’re more likely to treat the event as the prized experience that it is. Take time to relish in some pre-sex prep by taking a luxurious bath, putting on your favorite lingerie, wearing foreplay jewelry or making a special meal with wine before your session.

Promotes connectedness and communication

No surprise here, talking about sex and fantasies can be a little tricky, but there’s a lot of research that proves how important it is. Discussing fantasies is the first step to getting your desires fulfilled and increases sexual pleasure. Discussing sensitive topics, like sex, also boost connectedness and confidence in your relationship.

Agreeing to “bare minimums” ensures needs are being met.

Sexual unfulfillment is a common complaint in long-term relationships. While it may sound unromantic, having a number of “bare minimums” for having sex makes sure that sex is happening and that both partners are having their needs fulfilled. It also can reduce resentment by ensuring that both partners are prioritizing sex in their relationship. It is not uncommon for two people to have different libidos, so work together to compromise so that both people can realistically schedule sex into their schedule.

Numerous health benefits

In addition to feeling incredible, having regular sex can help reduce pain, alleviate symptoms of mental illness (especially depression), boost cardiovascular strength, and even lengthen your life.

Practice makes perfect

You can’t be great at something unless you do it over and over and the same goes for sex. Being able to experiment with new techniques and perfect the ones you’re already great at will make you a better lover and make you and your partner feel more satisfied.

 

Levi, A. (n.d.). The Case for Scheduling Sex, According to a Relationship Expert. Retrieved November 09, 2018, from http://www.health.com/sex/benefits-of-scheduling-sex

Muise, A., PhD. (2012, October 12). Let’s Talk About Sex … During Sex. Retrieved November 01, 2018, from http://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-passion-paradox/201210/lets-talk-about-sex-during-sex

Robinson, K. M. (n.d.). 10 Surprising Health Benefits of Sex. Retrieved November 10, 2018, from http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/sex-and-health#1

About the author

Vanessa Torres, MA

Vanessa Torres M.A. is a sexual health expert whose passions include harm-reduction and individual agency. Her work has been featured in Critical Public Health and the Journal of Homosexuality.

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